Lemons and Lemonade

Whenever a circumstance leads me into hearing the good old saying about making lemonade out of the lemons that life throws at you, my train of thought immediately goes from one sour idea to another. It's not quite unknown that it's always easier to weave beautiful words together and make them appear sensible than actually putting their meaning into action. Anyone can just tell someone to just make lemonade out of lemons, but that person who says things like that overlooks the fact that it's not that simple.

What if you don't know how to make lemonade?! It's not like making lemonade is a reflex that comes naturally to anyone. Or maybe, what if you run out of lemons and suddenly there's nowhere to buy from? What if all the ants in your house conspire against you and eat up your supply of sugar?!!! What if no matter how much you try, you still can't get your lemonade to taste right?! Or if you happen to get it to taste right, what if no one bothers to drink and you're left alone to drown yourself and be drunk in your little pool of sourness? Or what if your neighbor suddenly decides to make too and it just tastes so much better and you're only left to wonder about what kind of secret ingredient he or she used?!! You'd start to think that the universe intend to make things like that happen, that the universe has a tendency to ruin things for you, especially when you're trying really hard. All you can do is think that maybe you're just not made to make lemonade. You just have no place in the business of making lemonade. You were simply born with every bit of incapability in the world to make lemonade and there's nothing that can be done about it.

I've read somewhere about a particular quote that was apparently said by Blair Waldorf on Gossip Girl. It's about being "sick of looking like Darth Vader next to sunshine Barbie." My kind of thinking about the lemons and the lemonade has been, sort of, making me really sad and I know that I've been looking like a gloomy Darth Vader next to the sunshine Barbies of the world. While I've been surrounded by people who seem like they're bursting balls of sunshine, I've been a ball of shadows, waiting to explode and cast darkness over the face of the earth. I've been like a rain-filled cloud and anyone who looks at the sky and sees me will surely think that it's about to be a bad, gloomy rainy day. And I'm sick of it too.

Or am I really? Sometimes I think that I'm not really sick of it because sometimes I fantasize about pulling a "Glee" season three first episode version of Quinn Fabray. Sometimes I feel like I've been secretly wanting to look sad. Sometimes I feel like I do this to myself because it's what differentiates me. Different and bitter, but still different. And sometimes it gets annoying to be too happy.

But then again, it gets really tiring to always have a picture of your own grave in your head every time something goes wrong. Nothing ever gets in the right place when it's like that and my life is clearly a solid proof testifying to that. Joke =p

Forgive me for saying that, at least I acknowledged the fact that it's my own head's fault

Sigh. Everything's confusing and I'm really tempted to quote "Awkward's" Jenna Hamilton with her "Sometimes being a teenager makes you want to die" quote, but just in case I slip in the bathroom later just like what happened to Jenna, I don't want anybody to think that I attempted suicide and that this is my suicide note.