No IDentity, No entry

There were two moments that occurred over the course of the past few months that made me realize what I probably should have realized a long time ago- that I don’t have an identity/personality. I’ll just skip the part where I write about those incidents because I know how self-centered I’ll sound if I start telling those stories. Let’s just say that those incidents involve me obsessively worrying about other people thinking that I like certain things that I don’t really like.

I guess the problem lies in the fact that I’m scared to get out of the neutral ground. I always want to seem nonchalant and I really don’t express a lot either because I’m scared of my taste being judged poorly or because I’m afraid to be thought of as pretentious.

Those two incidents made me think that maybe it would be nice if the people who live by me in close quarters would know my cup of tea. I know this shows extreme symptoms of the “Special Snowflake Syndrome”, but it’s just annoying when people get the wrong idea about you and thinks that you’re the kind who likes this band or crushes on that certain celebrity even if you’re not.  Our preferences say a lot about us. Choosing is a way of making a statement to the world of who we’d like to be. This involves taste and opinions- things through which people tell us to express ourselves.

The fact that I worry about being thought of about liking things that I don’t really like means that the version that I have of myself in my head is a version completely different from what other people see. It is this way because I don’t make sure that I exude the personality that I want to exude. I know people will think of each other in whichever way they want no matter what, so there’s really no point in trying to do something about it. But when the reason why people have the wrong idea about you is because you’re always wearing a paper bag over your face, then maybe there’s something that should be done about it…

I’m not saying that I already know what to do, though. I mean, I’m writing these things right now and I’m still keeping this blog a secret…   :p